Heavenly Father Loves Me!

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I just want everyone to know that although I am struggling right now emotionally with everything going on. I do know that Heavenly Father loves me. I do know that Jesus Christ suffered much more than I am now or ever will on my behalf as well as everyone else. Yes, I have questions running through my head of why this? why now? Yes, I am or was angry (I haven't decided yet if I am still angry) about the situation and really when I put it into perspective my Mother in law asked me well "who are you angry with?" I told her I don't know I can't blame the Dr. he didn't make my heart go all wacky? I can't blame the surgeon, he made me better than I was before surgery. I can't blame myself although I try to find many reasons but it won't make the situation any different. I finally came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father has all power to heal and make this right and he created me.... so it's His fault. Now don't get me wrong. I love him! But I did have a nice talk with Him too. I have no idea why I am having to deal with more problems especially when everything was looking sooo good! I know I have a LOT of people worried about me physically as well as emotionally. I just want you all to know two very important messages! I KNOW Heavenly Father loves me! and I Know that my Redeemer Lives! My testimony of that will never change. I think of the scripture given in revelation to Joseph Smith while in Liberty Jail in Doctrine and Covenants 122:7

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the a pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

I am not sure what I am learning yet and what experience I am being prepared for with this but I must say I really wish I would learn whatever it is that I am suppose to learn and put this all behind us! I KNOW Heavenly Father has the power to make my heart beat the way it should, I KNOW he has the power to work miracles. He has made me some pretty amazing promises in my Patriarchal blessing and I have faith in that. He has proven to me in other situations that he has the power to heal. So, I am not sure what we are waiting for and what he wants me to learn. But I wish it would happen really soon! Because emotionally I am not sure how much more my heart can handle (no pun intended). Thank you all for your worries and concerns, your thoughts, your prayers, putting my name on temple rolls (you might want to add Nathan to that too) but really....we WILL get through this. As we hear all the time..."this too shall pass"

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